I'm adopting!

The other day I woke up and decided it was time to adopt another kid! Claire wants to be a big sister. She wants someone to boss around that won't embarrass me when she does -- the neighbors are getting really tired of her bossing around their dogs and cats; though, all the neighbors tell me what a good and pretty dog she is... So, I got online and started looking for abandoned Rhodesian Ridgebacks in the western U.S. and I came across "Zeke" (this picture is Zeke -- I know he looks almost identical to Claire, but if you look closely, you can tell Zeke is a boy).

He's one year old and was dropped off at a shelter by a military family who can't keep him on the base where they are assigned. Word has it that they are very distraught (and I'm sure they are -- I would freak out if I had to give up a pet -- I have a hard time forgiving myself when I have one fewer fish in my backyard pond due to a hungry raccoon or bird carrying them off). So, bad news for them is good news for me. As our cabby in Cairo would say, "It's my lucky."

The only downside of this whole adoption situation is that Zeke is in Oklahoma and the shelter doesn't deliver to Utah! There were no Ridgebacks available for adoption in Utah or anywhere closer that I could find -- well, not any quite as regal-looking as Zeke. So, I'm driving to my sister's house (Connie) in Colorado on Thursday and then on Friday she is riding with me to Oklahoma to pick him up (I love my sister -- well, I actually love all four of them). We're taking Claire, too, so they can bond in the back seat on the way home. I'm sure it will be a fun-filled slobbery road trip! Anyone want to come along??? I'm renting a big SUV for the trip because I don't think my little car would be very comfortable for two large dogs on such a long drive.

For those of you who are wondering why on earth I would get another large dog when my house is rather small, I can only say -- Hey, I pay my own bills, so mind yer business!

I'll be passing out cigars later. Congratulations to me!

Doggies Love Cool Whip!

Last night I left for about an hour to have dinner at a great Middle Eastern restaurant up the street that I eat at about 20 times a week because it's so dang good. When I got home, Claire was running around in circles acting unusually excited to see me (she's never very excited when I get home, especially if I've only been gone for an hour). I figured it was because she was so happy that my friend, Stacee, just moved into the mother-in-law apartment and she just wanted to thank me for renting it to a girl (Claire really can't stand men) -- she kept running from the living room, through the kitchen, down the back stairs and to Stacee's door, back and forth at warp speed. I was just standing in the kitchen laughing.

Finally, I walked into the living room and saw a giant tub of cool whip torn apart on the floor. It was empty, so there was no sticky mess (thank goodness). Then, I thought to myself, "Where did she get a tub of cool whip? I haven't had cool whip in the house since last Thanksgiving!" So, I screamed at her (as I always do when I find trash on the living room floor -- which doesn't happen very often now that she's almost three years old, and that's 21 in dog years and she should know better by now). She took off down the stairs again and I chased her with the empty container. I met Stacee downstairs and she just looked at me and said, "I'm so sorry! I was cleaning out the freezer and just put a tub of frozen cool whip in the trash and was about to take it to the dumpster, but Claire must have got it!"

So, my dog downed an entire large tub of frozen cool whip -- it must have taken her the entire hour I was gone to lick it clean -- and then she was on an intense sugar high for about an hour, running around like a crazy fool. I was sure she'd vomit, but she never did (lucky for her and me) -- she just collapsed on the floor once the sugar wore off.

My friend, Liz, said that maybe instead of getting upset, I should have asked Claire if she wanted some pumpkin pie to go with it. Which may have cured her since we recently watched HURL! on G4 -- our new favorite game show where five guys eat as much food as they can and then get on spinning carnival rides and whoever doesn't throw up for the longest time wins $1,000 -- and on that episode thay had to eat pumpkin pie and cool whip until they hurled. New episodes are on Sunday nights (if you're in Utah and have Comcast it's Channel 136 or on Dish it's somewhere around Channel 360) -- don't miss it!

June 2008: Egypt, Jordan, Israel, Amsterdam

UPDATE #1:
Salama (that means "hello" in every country we've been to so far, except for in Amsterdam, where in the Red Light district they say "allo" -- Nona doesn't want you to know we actually went to that part of Amsterdam, but we told her that if she doesn't pipe down she has to go back to her room right now... we intend to be very truthful throughout this entire update). We're safe and sound in the middle of Jordan, somewhere near Saudi Arabia and Iraq. Haven't heard any gunfire... so far. Actually, we are in some town called Wasu Madi (not much of a town -- I saw forty camels and goat wearing a coat -- the goat was obviously in charge of the herd), very near Petra. Backing up a bit... we left SLC on time, the flight was uneventful, other than the mean lady sitting next to me that wouldn't let me put the armrest down (she loved me and wanted to snuggle, but she was a mean ol' drunk) and she put her blanket over her head and sat up straight the entire way across the Atlantic. We arrived in Amsterdam on time -- Lori Sawyer Jenson (my good friend) met us at the hotel and took us into the city where we went to the Red Light District, but the whole city seemed like a BIG Red Light District to Eli (we made him close his eyes the entire time). We didn't have a lot of time, so we scurried through the Anne Frank House -- Krishelle thought it was an Open House so she placed offer for $80k US, but they didn't accept because the dollar is really weak right now. Seriously though, it was really neat and we spent a whole hour there, which we now think was actually a really good/fair amount of time seeing as how we spent all of 27 minutes in the Egyptian Museum before we got bored (seven of those minutes were us just standing around so we wouldn't look so bad to the taxi driver who just drove us an hour to get there). So, after the Anne Frank House we flew to Egypt and landed at 2 a.m. local time. Egyptians, we have learned from first-hand experience, to put it nicely, get what they want when they want it, always at your expense. It first started with a pack of them on the airplane that, even though seats were assigned (like they are on most every plane across the free world) they chose to rush into the plane and sit where they wanted.... this, as you can imagine, was what instigated many fights and arguments before the plane even took off -- we sat and watched, as if it was part of the in-flight entertainment ("Battle of the Egyptians") -- the flight attendants tried to referee, but they eventually gave up and it was every man, woman, Egyptian, and child for themselves. This entertainment didn't cost us anything financially, other than arriving to Cairo an hour late and then waiting two more hours to get our bags. At that point, it wasn't very entertaining anymore as the sun was beginning to rise. After an interesting hassle at check-in, which took another two hours and I even used my strongest assertive voice (which, I think, to Egyptians is sweet-talk), we got settled into a very nice hotel with a great view of the Giza pyramids... unbelievable view. Then, we spent the whole day with Sayed our "English-speaking" guide who later confessed that he speaks English 50-50, which was extremely generous. We nodded and smiled a lot and told him we speak Arabic 0-100, so he was much better off than us. At one point, while we walked to the Sphinx, he told us he would be waiting for us at "Kentucky Down" which after looking around a while we figured it must mean the Kentucky Fried Chicken across the street. Now, for the Panic Attack of 2008. At the pyramids, which are VERY huge and beautiful, we had the opportunity to go inside through a little shaft (Bridgette -- this is the equivalent of a slanted "shute"). In the biggest pyramid the shute goes upwards for a long, long, long, long way, so Sayed told us to pay the lesser amount and go in the smaller pyramid shute so we don't have to climb so far. Plus, the shute is really small and you're totally hunched over the entire way, one at a time, single file and it's dark, damp, hot, and really steep. That sounded like a great idea. Nona, of course, was already climbing in the shute before the rest of us even got instructions. Then, Eli, being the gentleman that he is, noticed how steep and dark and cramped and deep it was, so he told Nona to stop so he good be chivalrous and go first -- planning to act as a safety net for Nona should things go sour. You go down backwards like a ladder, because it's just that steep. So, Nona gets out of the way, and Eli enters, then Nona, then me, then Krishelle, and we start the descent. About 8 meters down (mind you, we are the only ones in the shute -- it wasn't at all crowded at the pyramids for some reason), one of us made a joke about "what if those guys up there close the metal door at the top of the shaft and leave us in here to cook for eternity”), then Eli said "I gotta get outta here." We all laughed and kept climbing down, but realized that we were stacking up on Eli who had stopped in his tracks and said, "No! Seriously! I gotta get outta here!" He then, pushed Nona out of the way, and climbed over me and Krishelle and shot out the top of the shaft faster than light! We all stood stunned not knowing what to do or say -- maybe make fun of him or climb out ourselves.... like, maybe he saw a ghost or something. But, for those of you who know Nona well, we were not about to leave until she had completed the entire journey. So, the remaining three of us went to the very bottom and then climbed back out and are glad we did, even though there's NOTHING to see in there. When we got back out, Eli was still shaking and breathing hard and has spent the last two days trying to convince us that he really is clinically claustrophobic and not just chicken. We love Eli. For a little distraction for Eli, Nona climbed on a live camel and took a ride and that calmed down Eli because we were all in amazement wondering how we would ever explain that the last time we saw Nona she was headed into the desert on the back of a running camel. (For those of you who don't know Nona, she is my 77 year-old adventure-loving mother). Other than managing through a near-fatal panic attack, we did all climb up part of the pyramids on the outside and that was kind of scary, too, but with a fabulous view of Cairo. And, after Nona proved that giant, slobbering, stinky camels are nothing to be afraid of, we all climbed on one and took a ride. It was a blast.... and a rip-off (again, Egyptians always get what they want, when they want it, at your expense).


The Sphinx. While the pyramids were just as big as expected, the Sphinx seemed rather small; however, we didn't let that stop us from asking it all the questions we dreamed up on the long plane ride over... like "what's your favorite color" to which the Sphinx answered, "dirty brown." Eli told it that was rather convenient, as everything was dirty brown. Then, Eli asked it, "What's your favorite bird?" To which the Sphinx answered, "Pigeons." Which was also rather convenient because there were pigeons roosting all over its face. We're trying to convince Krishelle to cut off her nose and tattoo tiny black pigeons all over her face so she can come back to the US and tell everyone "it's the latest style from Egypt, it's called 'The Sphinx'." After the Sphinx we went to the Egyptian museum, but we already talked about that... it was HUGE and really neat, but we're really not museum people and everything that is really cool from the museum is already on tour somewhere in the US. So, we went back to the hotel and went swimming under the shadows of the pyramids. This morning, we left Cairo and headed for the airport in a hair-raising white-knuckle taxi ride through rush-hour traffic to the airport. Apparently, 22 million people live in Cairo and they were all on the road this morning driving 90 miles an hour directly at each other. The only reason they don't crash is because they are all honking at each other constantly. We think Cairo is the noisiest city on the planet... probably in the universe. The Cairo airport was a little disorganized and a lot scary, but we made our flight and we'll leave at that for now. We landed in Amman, Jordan earlier today, rented a car, and drove a few hours to Petra (where we are now). We LOVE Jordan... it's calm and beautiful (if you're a desert-lover like we are right now). To be completely honest, we LOVE Egypt, too, and are really excited to finish the bulk of our trip there after Jordan and Israel. We're having a blast and we promise to not put Eli in any confined spaces for the rest of the trip, at least not until we can get him some good medication (which shouldn't be hard because there are pharmacies everywhere open all night).For family -- we are all healthy, happy, and very safe. The food is great. No worries! We're having a blast, as usual, and laughing most of the day every day (when it's not too hot).
Love you all! Will Whittle and Nona and Eli and Krishelle

UPDATE #2:
Hello from Israel (barely alive). Not that we're sick or anything, unless sick and tired of the harassment we got trying to get across the border from Jordan to Israel counts, where the four of us are solely responsible for detaining an entire busload of Israelis. There were machine guns involved, but none of them, thankfully, ever fired at us. We'll get to that in a minute... So, last time we wrote, we were somewhere in southern Jordan. Now, we're in Jerusalem and it is a small miracle -- but, hey, this IS THE PLACE where miracles happen, right??? Our last day in Jordan we went to Petra -- that place from Indiana Jones' last crusade. It was amazing! It was a really LONG hot walk through something that looked a lot like the Narrows at Zions, but it was worth it. Nona wouldn't even consider getting on a horse to get to the main attraction, even when the horse "was free and you only have to tip the horse." So, we got to the main attraction after walking through the barren desert gorges for an hour, sat there, looked at a slobbering camel drinking a bottle of water with a bunch of German tourists oo-ing and awing at it, then we immediately decided it was time to leave, even though we think there was a lot more to see further down the canyon -- we'll buy a picture book later, we decided unanimously, and started the long hot trek back out of the gorge. Nona made it out without ever having to mount a horse, but when we got to the tourist shops she found the first bit of shade and sat there until we left. She's fine and so are we. We drove ourselves back to Amman and turned in our rental car and got screamed at by the police for reasons we're still unsure of... At this point, it was time to head to Jerusalem. As the crow flies, it's really just a hop-skip-and-a-jump away -- looked that way on the map, too... but, as the taxi drives, you need a day, at least. We agreed on a price ahead of time (thank goodness, because if we hadn't, we'd be coming home now flat broke). To make a long story short, the border crossing we needed to go through was closed, so we ended up somewhere near Syria at a much scarier border where no one spoke English and no signs were in English. The taxi got us to the border and dropped us off. Another guy in a taxi yelled something at us in Arabic and threw our bags in his trunk and started on the long journey through a VERY frightening security process, that we don't have time to detail right now.... but, if I were to create a process flowchart in Visio or some other software, it would fill pages and pages. In the middle of the security process, we had to get on a packed bus to drive 20 feet to the next armed security stop where our passports were checked for a fifth time, at which point our four passports were confiscated by a very frustrated military guy who stormed off the bus yelling something in Arabic. We had no idea what was going on until he returned with a "contact police" stamp in our passports and the bus backed up and turned around and called us to the front. We were horrified and pushed Nona first through a crowd of angry people (no other tourists in sight) because she's the sweetest -- that didn't help and she tripped over someone's duffle bag. About 10 minutes later, having been rushed through a bunch of machine gun-toting operated documentation processes which we still don't fully understand (but we think we got a discount because of the rush), we were shuffling back down the aisle of the angry bus... Anyway, we finally got through customs and immigration (several gray hairs later) and took a two-hour taxi ride through the middle of the night to Jerusalem to our hotel where we haven't dared to leave since (just kidding). Now, for the reason of our trip... We've been in Jerusalem and it's absolutely AMAZING! Quickly, we've been to the Garden Tomb, Gethsemane, Temple Mount, Wailing Wall, Via Dolorosa, multiple churches, synagogues and mosques, and BYU Jerusalem (which was air-conditioned). We'll tell you in detail about all the places when we get back, but we loved all of them. There's a different kind of peaceful feeling here -- like great things really did take place here or something. In the midst of all the religious sites, you have to navigate through a herd of persistent shopkeepers who seem to have every intention of ripping off the tourists and will follow you for streets to do it. For example, a nativity carving at one shop started at $170 US, but we eventually found that you can buy the same exact thing for $10 at the same shop, if you go a day later and tell them you found it for $20 down the street. Don't worry -- we haven't been super gullible... But, as the shopkeepers will tell you as they're trying to convince you that $170 is reasonable, "money she comes, money she goes... free to look." We're trying to convince them that money often goes faster than she comes. Okay -- since Uncle Will is on this trip, we haven't passed too many pharmacies without stopping in just to see what might be available (nothing too good, unfortunately). Though, Krishelle is working on an invention for a pill that will actually give you the cold shakes (it's so hot here!!!). In addition to this new pharmaceutical idea which we know would make us billionaires, Eli has come up with a few more practical ideas... Idea 1: "The Last Supper Character Restaurant" -- where all the staff dress like a character from the Bible. Idea 2: At night, the Old City turns into a water park for all the tourists because all the shops are closed and you realize how steep and winding most of the streets really are... plus, that would clean up the city nicely for each new day. Idea 3: A foot-washing stand -- just like they did in Bible days, but our gimmick is that ever third customer gets a lollipop. We have more investor ideas for you, if anyone's interested in "money changers" and "oil lamps" where three out of ten are actually filled with oil (luck o' the draw).We're off to Haifa and Galilee in the morning. Really, this place is amazing. We love it. We're totally safe... it would be helpful to speak Arabic or Hebrew here (note for next time). We saw a Jewish orchestra and choir perform last night and are going to an Israeli Jazz ensemble tonight. It's all incredible!!! We love you very much and wish you were all here with us!!! Drop us a line when you can.
Krishelle, Eli, Nona, Will


UPDATE #3:
Hello everybody! So, we're back in Egypt and we want to tell you how we got here.... but first... Last time we sent an update, we were finishing off our last hours in the Holy City. If you recall, we probably freaked you all out with the horror of the border crossing from Jordan to Israel -- and, rightfully so, because we were scared to ever cross a border again ourselves -- thinking we were probably going to spend the rest of our lives in Israel just to avoid it. About an hour after we sent our last update we went to a Jazz concert at BYU Jerusalem (artists from an Israeli music school performed and they were amazing). We met a bunch of the volunteers and Nona started talking to one of them, and someone got on the subject of her maiden name, which then led to a domino effect of strange coincidences that ultimately connected Nona with one of the volunteers at the center who happened to be her long-lost first cousin from Idaho who she hadn't seen in 40 years, but they instantly recognized each other and broke into tears. It was serendipitous. We also spent some time with a couple of the visiting students (Mike Hansen from SLC and Allison Smith from Brawley) who happened to be there this semester. In the middle of our middle-eastern adventure, it was very nice to see some familiar faces! Next morning, we rented a car and drove to the Dead Sea. It was hot, dead, and amazing. Lots of tourists from around the world rubbing mud all over their bodies -- some not so covered as others, and no one covered as thoroughly as Eli who covered himself from head to toe, except for his white swim trunks which glistened in the sun. Nona even got into the action and floated around on her back with her straw hat shielding her face from the scorching sun -- we have great pictures. You've probably heard all about how well you float in the Dead Sea because of all the salt, but that is an understatement -- you are like a buoy on top of the water and it’s really hard to get your legs back under you once you have started floating, so often as you are trying to stand up you just go into a barrel roll and you can't stop... so you paddle around until one of your friends or family members helps you work it out and you get up and out. It was awesome. Next, we drove to the Sea of Galilee, where Eli immediately walked into the water (though, not ON the water) and took a big gulp and said, "it doesn't taste quite as salty as the Dead Sea." We looked at him a little stumped and he said, "I decided to take a gulp of every body of water we visit over here." This was despite the signs at the Dead Sea that said to consult a lifeguard immediately if you ingested the water. I have CIPRO in my bag in case anyone gets sick, but so far we're all fine (even Eli who has been drinking from rivers and lakes). The area was really beautiful and it was great to see it. Then, we drove to Haifa where we spent the night. It was much more beautiful than expected and actually felt like a bit of a vacation from our "vacation." It was clean, green, cool, right on the Mediterranean and had the most amazing landscape and views imaginable. The Bahia faith has one of their main temples there and the grounds were spectacular -- our hotel was very close to it and the beds in the hotel were very close to each other, as well as to the walls -- it was almost like being in a genie's bottle with wall-to-wall low beds and three other genie's besides yourself in the little bottle. This was not good for us because we stayed up almost all night telling 1st) ghost stories, and then 2nd) stories that ended up being mainly about poop. No surprise in this family! We finally got to sleep with our guts hurting from the laughter. We woke up 12 minutes later and got ready for the day. We tried to put gas in the car but couldn't figure it out because all the pumps and instructions were in Hebrew, which we hadn't learned to read by that point -- we could only speak it. At the point of getting back in the car and taking our chances on fumes, someone helped us fill up, suspiciously requiring our passports to do so. We only needed a half tank and it was a small/compact car, and it cost $70 US (God Bless America). After that, we drove to a Mediterranean beach where Eli took another gulp, five seconds before we pointed out the giant dead fish, rotting dead turtle, and piles of human waste all sitting peacefully at the tide line -- this was all very near a porcelain toilet that was also sitting at the high-tide line. Strangely, his foot disease, which most everyone on this email distribution has tried to help him cure for the better part of 12 months, seems to be healing quite nicely in the last two days. If we have to narrow it down to one of the Seas he drank from, we'd have to say it's from Galilee, a bottle of which Nona has been carrying around in her suitcase as if it's the elixir of life (she's also got an olive branch she pilfered from the Garden of Gethsemane and a ziplock bag of mud from the bottom of the Dead Sea to go with the frankensense and myrh she bought in the Holy Land). We love Nona and are glad she's picking up these rare commodities along the way, because we secretly want it but are too proud to carry it around... plus we're not sure any of it can legally make it through customs. After Haifa, we drove to Tel Aviv. This was the point at which we decided -- go west to Tel Aviv or go east to the Jordanian border. It was unanimous -- we decided to each pay a small fortune and fly from Tel Aviv to Amman (20 minutes on HUGE empty aircraft) rather than repeat the experience detailed in our last email (no more border crossings for us!). Also, we learned that you can pay a fee to the Hilton Hotel and they will do some shady biz and get you through customs and immigration and security at record speed, no questions asked. That was the best money we've ever spent and it was Nona's decision entirely to do it -- the Hilton people hadn't even finished their sales pitch when Nona said, "We'll take it all" with a hand wave, and threw her credit card at them. Apparently, the border crossing was scarier for her than she let on. Thank you, Nona (we'll pay you back later). Tel Aviv was BEAUTIFUL and relaxing. The beaches are AMAZING! The people are wonderful. Our hotel overlooked the Mediterranean and had it's own private beach. We ate an amazing restaurant overlooking the Sea -- Middle-Eastern seafood (lots of olives, hummus, fish eggs, pita bread, labna, taboulleh, white fish, calamari -- and, Eli's steak, medium well). It was delicious. We left the Hilton in Tel Aviv at 5:30 a.m., got to Amman, Jordan a couple of hours later, had a long layover and flew back to Cairo. Now we're here in Cairo and having a fantastic time. We've decided we LOVE Cairo and have decided to spend the last few days of our trip here. There is so much to do and see and the people are great!!! Even though they tend to lie a little bit from time to time, like today when a man told us he was a rich doctor and then led us three blocks out of our way and directly into his souvenir shop where his helpers slammed the door behind us, forced us to sit down, tried to make us drink forty varieties of herbal tea (we didn't drink any), and sell us a bunch of junk. Eli and I got up to leave, but the door was closed and had no handle, so Eli panicked (flashback to the pyramid episode) and said, "How do I get outta here???!!!!" All the while Nona sat peacefully looking at the piles of paintings they were showing, saying, "They're all beautiful, but I'm not buying anything." We eventually escaped and ran for our lives, even though we don't dare cross the streets by ourselves and there's no way we can possibly explain it, other than referring you to a hyped-up top-level version of Frogger where there are no lanes and no system and people everywhere. We eventually made it to the Egyptian museum, which, yes, we had already been there once (for those of you who read our first email), but we had to go again because Mike Hansen from BYU Jerusalem told us that all the really cool stuff was on the 2nd floor, which we were too lazy to see our first time because there were stairs involved. This time we made it to the 2nd floor and spent five times as long as we did on our first visit, despite how hot it was, because the mummies were actually pretty cool and some of those rooms had A/C, so we lingered longer and we also got to see a bunch of King Tut stuff. It was really neat -- actually better than what we've seen on tour in the US. So, we're happy we went back for an encore. After the museum, we went to the souq (big outdoor crazy crowded hot smelly market). We spent all our money there buying about 50 of the same thing that we'll have to show you when we get back, if we get them back because they'll never fit in our luggage. Every guy hit on Krishelle, including the one who when he saw Krishelle pass by his shop a second time said, "WELCOME BACK EGYPTIAN CAT!" Because, the first time he saw her he said, "Your eyes so pretty, the boys so lucky!" Nona stole a papyrus calendar. Or so we thought. Eli put her up to it. We were positive she didn't buy it, but when we got back to the hotel and were looking at our purchases, she pulled out the calendar and I asked where she got it and she said, "I swiped it -- diabetics do crazy things." She said it completely straight-faced and about put ME into diabetic coma (and I'm not even diabetic!). Come to find out, the shopkeeper's mother loved Nona so much that she had her son chase Nona down and give her the calendar for free, at which point Eli convinced her to play a trick on me... it freaked me out -- I thought Nona had lost her mind! She had me going -- they all did -- and, they're going to get it!!! We're having a blast! Cairo is awesome! Just a few days left and we'll be back... See you soon. Love you!!! Krishelle, Eli, Nona, Uncle Will

Claire's Winter Suit

My nice puppy, Claire, gets very cold -- she's a Rhodesian Ridgeback and was not bred for cold climates -- so, I found this snowsuit online. I thought it was a good idea. She absolutely hates it. Shortly after I made her wear it, she pulled a bottle of doggie aspirin out of her travel bag, chewed the lid off, and ingested about 75 pills -- I think this was a suicide attempt. Fortunately, she survived... my living room carpet did not.

Madagascar 2007

Update #1: 5/18/2007
Hello dear family & friends! I have arrived safe and well in Madagascar and my luggage made it, too. Calvin was waiting at the airport for me, but I almost didn’t recognize him because his hair and skin are much darker than what I remembered when I saw him last – two years ago. He looks great – healthy, strong, happy… He’s the same Calvin you all remember, just a bit more grown up now. His command of the language (Malagasy) is awesome! It sounds like nothing I’ve heard before in any of my travels. I haven’t even learned how to say hello, yet –- it’s a difficult language -- but I do know how to say “blue.” He asked me what the language sounds like when I hear him speak and I said it sounds like, “Manga-manga-manga!” He told me that actually means blue, light blue, and dark blue. First night in town we stayed at the Hilton – the nicest, tallest building in the country, with 14 floors. The room was very nice, by Madagascar standards, but reminded me a lot of my college dorm my freshman year -– very small, very plain, and very hard beds. My tour book insisted on taking a stroll around the adjacent lake first thing in the morning to get acclimated… so we did this… I think the “acclimation” that took place was learning how to dart in and out of traffic without getting hit and gaining an entirely new appreciation for water pollution. The lake was anything but beautiful and peaceful – it was a mess of brown/black sludge with trash and dead fish floating in it, and a giant statue rising out of the middle with some big verse in French that I didn’t understand (apparently the French tried to colonize this country a long time ago, but were quite unsuccessful). After the lake stroll, our driver picked us up in what appeared to be a 1974 Mazda minivan and we headed for the coast (where we are now).The road to the coast is terrible – it’s kind of paved or cobble-stoned, but mostly there are gigantic potholes that could swallow a donkey-drawn buggy (of which there are many!). The road winds and winds up and down mountains and through valleys and just when you think you’re out of the worst of it, the vehicle stops and the co-pilot gets out to guide the driver through the next series of nearly impassable ruts and ravines. I’ve never been more thankful for Dramamine in my life! We covered about 200 kilometers in about five hours and decided to stop for the night at a little village that happened to have some thatched bungalows for rent – one bed with a big mosquito net, but we were so tired that we took it and slept like babies in a crib (and it kind of felt like a crib because the mattress sagged in the middle like a taco). At about 5 a.m., we were awakened to the howls of lemurs in the jungle canopy all around us – they sound like police sirens in hot pursuit. We got out of bed and grabbed a guide who took us on a four-hour hike through the jungle where we spotted tons of different kinds of lemurs – they are the coolest and cutest creatures… absolutely amazing creations!

I think it was even worth the $12.50 per tourist entry fee that we had to pay to get into the park… You’re probably thinking that doesn’t sound like much, but the sign at the entry gate blatantly indicated that for the Malagasy it was $1,000 Ariary (about 50 cents), but for anyone else it was $25,000 Ariary! Total discrimination! And, if that wasn’t bad enough, since then, I have realized that most restaurants and hotels downhere follow the same pricing model – if you’re from Madagascar you pay one price, but if you’re not, you pay about ten times as much. The difference doesn’t equate to much, but it’s the principle! And, they are shameless about it when they ask for the extra – as if we should just understand and not question them… It’s so funny.

Update #2: 5/27/2007
It's been more than a week since we've had success finding an internet cafe that is actually an internet cafe -- we have found many places with a sign that says "Cyber Cafe" or "Internet", but when you go inside, they pretty much don't have a single computer and maybe they have electricity, but usually not, and mostly they are just little stores that sell stale bread and deep-fried flesh of some sort. We've decided that this country must have received a shipment of surplus signs from the USA and then distributed them to each town and told them to put them up wherever they had space. When I asked Calvin why there are so many misleading signs all over the place, or in the bank there was a computer sitting on the teller’s desk but it wasn't plugged into anything (monitor not even to the computer itself), he told me that he's pretty sure they see things in American movies and then they do it here, though they don't really know what it is or how it's supposed to work (he usually just says, "Ahhh, they saw it in a movie once."). It's actually quite entertaining and a very good way to get exercise because you have to walk for hours sometimes to find what you actually are after - from sign to sign to sign, until you find the sign that truly sells what it is advertising.

The other day while walking down a beautiful deserted beach in southern Madagascar on the Mozambique Channel that separates this country from Africa, we came upon a settlement of Malagasy living in huts - they were fishermen and their women were pretty much just lounging around, carrying their babies on their backs with some sort of homemade wraps, or grinding rice into flour on rocks. Each time I get to a new place in this country, it's about twice as primitive and unique as the previous. I fell in love with the place instantly, then, just as quickly as I fell in love, I fell out of love when I realized that the little squishy thing I poked with the big toe of my right bare foot (we were walking on the beach and I figured it was some sort of rare sea creature that had washed up amid all the starfish and other shells that lined the high-tide line) was actually a giant pile of human crap. No sooner had I dug my toe into the middle of the thing did Calvin look at me, then at my toe stuck in the pile, then back at me and say matter of fact that it was indeed Malagasy excrement and that it was all over the beach so I should watch my step. For those of you who know me best, you've probably already guessed how I have dealt with this situation - hours on end of scrubbing my foot with dirt, sand, rocks, soap, bleach, gasoline, dragging it along rough asphalt, along with waking up with a startle in the middle of the night certain that I didn't scrub my foot well enough! Fortunately, I can tell you that the beach we walked on was actually still quite beautiful and safe as long as you stayed one mile north of the village which was where our "bungalow" sat and it was also up-current from the village; though, we didn't swim, for a few reasons - 1) none of the Malagasy were swimming and that was concerning (but I think maybe they just don't swim as a culture - they don't look very buoyant), 2) none of the other four Western tourists who were brave enough to travel to this part of the world were entering the sea, and 3) the Lonely Planet guidebook warns against menacing sharks along the beaches and since we were a 30-mile outboard-motor boat ride through the high seas plus a short ox-cart ride plus a 24-hour truck ride away from the nearest 3rd-World hospital, we opted for working on our tans, rather than entering the water and risking the probability of becoming another story in the Reader's Digest's "Drama In Real Life" section. We stayed on the beach (the clean part) for a couple of days and then, the morning the outboard-motor boat was to pass by and take us back to the ox-cart to take us to the truck, we stood on the deserted beach in blistering sun for three hours, with our backpacks, staring off into an empty blue sea looking for any sign of our ride. Finally, it arrived, which was a good thing because we had a flight to catch back to Tana (the capital). When we asked the Malagasy boat driver why he was so late (since we had gotten up at 5:30 a.m. to get ready and down to the beach in time), he said, "Oh, change of plans..." And, that was the only explanation... I think I may have also heard something that sounded a lot like there had been too much "drinking" the night before...but, who knows - I don't really understand anything they say down here and, although he is incredibly and impressively fluent, I'm pretty sure Calvin's not telling me the whole story when he provides the translation (I think he's protecting me from what I'm probably better off not knowing). Aside from the couple of days on the beach, we spent a few days driving through the middle of the country with those Malagasy guys I think I referred to in my first email update. The Mazda van actually made it the entire journey - miraculous (even Calvin thinks so, and he's used to this place!). We started calling the van "Old Faithful" about halfway through the journey. Though, we did have to push-start it every time we needed to go somewhere and there was a major gas-leak that had lasted for two days as we drove through the country but that they didn't decide to fix until one day in the middle of nowhere on the high plains of central Madagascar (looked a lot like Oklahoma, except for the Baobab trees, nomads herding cattle, and occasional settlement of tiny huts that looked about as big as doghouses you'd find in average American backyards) -- I guess the gas leak was finally bad enough precisely at that point. Our drivers were covered in grease, gas, and oil for the majority of the trip, but they were very nice and very, very affordable ($20 US/day, plus gas and food -- the gas expense probably would have been less if we hadn't sprayed most of it across 500 kilometers of the Madagascar outback). We heard the muffler fell off the van after they dropped us at our final destination.

Food here.... Hmmmm... all I can say is that it has been rice, rice, more rice, rice, rice, buckets of rice, and that's about it, except for the occasional chunk of pig fat with skin and hair on it that you politely hide in a plastic bag or put on Calvin's plate, and some boiled grass. We have had some bananas and papaya, too, and some sweet bread with lots of sand and dirt in it, and some kind of brown meat (beef or dog, I think) over rice, with giant veins and jagged bones sticking out of it. Lots of Coca-Cola, thank goodness! But, no Diet Coke. I think this may be the longest I have ever survived without a Diet Coke. Little villages and big towns we've gone through have been eye-opening. "Civilized" and "modern" have become very relative terms... Civilized and/or modern here, to me, really just means the town has electricity and maybe running water from some faucet (maybe in the houses) or hand-pump(most-likely in the center of town off the main road, always with a crowd of women filling giant pots, buckets and vases that they then balance on their heads and carry back to their homes). I find myself feeling guilty taking pictures of these scenes, thinking things like, "What if some French tourist drove down my street in Utah and stopped to take pictures of me mowing my lawn or having a barbecue..." I think that would be weird... everyone here thinks we're French because the French tried to settle this place along time ago and there are a few of them still lurking around. I really have so many experiences to tell and I don't quite know where to start and how to fit them all in, so I imagine that when I get home I'll write a much longer summary of this trip and post it to my blog for everyone to read and see pictures (some really incredible pictures you'll see). Though, to wrap this up (because the internet connection here is slow and may drop at anytime), I'll finish with some very great quotes from Calvin on this trip:

One day while in a town somewhere in the middle of nowhere (everywhere here is actually in the middle of nowhere if you think about it), we were looking for an Internet Café. Calvin sent one of our drivers into the street to ask around and as the guy stepped away, Calvin yelled one last instruction at him - he said, "This time, ask somebody who has shoes on!" That is a quote I never imagined hearing in my life, but it made perfect sense at the time. The town we were in was what Calvin ultimately decided was the ugliest town he had ever seen in his life (and this is after he has lived down here for two years and is actually pointing out certain towns to tell me how nice he thinks they are) -- most people do not wear shoes in any towns except for Tana and I have not seen one town or settlement that I would consider "nice" by any stretch of the imagination. One day, we were driving through a village that had lots of cows strolling the main road, many women with pots on their heads, giant potholes everywhere, and some trees, and Calvin said, "This kind of reminds me of the drive to the Brewer's house in South Jordan, Utah." Oh, boy, is he really in for a shock when he gets back to the States... He's been down here too long!

While sitting in a dive of a restaurant translating a menu for me, there was an item on the menu called "Cheval" - I told him I thought that was some sort of horse. Calvin, bless his soul, said, "I ordered it once hoping it was horse sh*t, I mean 'steak'." It was truly a complete slip of the tongue for him, which made it so much funnier. We laughed all night about it. He said that what he had the night he ordered the "Cheval" did actually taste a lot like what he said first...

The Jade Bracelet

...Krishelle's bloody wrist. So, last night we arrived in Hong Kong to spend the final two days of our Chinese adventure trip. After checking into our high-rise hotel in a residential area on Victoria Harbour, we took to the streets for a late-evening stroll amongst the street vendors. Now confident with our abilities to negotiate well with the Chinese and only purchase what we really want, we wandered into the six-by-two foot store of a tiny Chinese woman selling typical crafts to tourists. She immediately crabbed a jade bracelet that Krishelle wasn't even looking at and started shoving it onto her hand. It wouldn't fit, so she pulled Krishelle behind the small counter, held her forearm in a headlock-style grip while she grabbed a bottle of water to lubricate the wrist and try shoving the bracelet on... meanwhile, Krishelle was silently begging me for help, but it was all happening so fast, I couldn't do anything but stand there in disbelief as I saw the woman, next, reach for a bottle of dish soap and squirt it all over Krishelle's wrist and then lather it up with some more water, then lean backwards into Krishelle as she pulled the jade bracelet onto her wrist. Then, she turned around and stretched her little hand out to Krishelle for payment (obviously, because she knew that bracelet was stuck and was now Krishelle's for keeps!). Oh, and as the woman was shoving the bracelet onto Krishelle's wrist, Krishelle moaned out loud in pain. I feel bad, yes, but it's a really funny story... and, to make the story even more funny, I have video recorded on my digital camera a scene of Krishelle at dinner tonight trying to cut the bracelet from her wrist using a butter knife.

The knife doesn't even scratch the surface of the thing.... she also admitted that the reason she was in the shower so long this morning was because she was trying to get the thing off her wrist using shampoo, bar soap, hot water, etc., etc. I think it's there to stay. After several failed attempt to free herself from the jade bracelet, she suddenly smiled when she remembered that later this week she is going to visit grandpa in Brawley and he can probably take her to his shop and put her wrist in a lathe or something to cut it off. She says she's too embarrassed to go to the E.R. for help. She also says that she doesn't even like the bracelet because she doesn't have anything that goes with it... but, I reminded her that, in fact, she does have something that matches it.... which brings me to our next most ridiculous purchase of this trip -- Krishelle's and Bridgette's matching green suede alpaca-lined waffle stompers they bought in Shanghai on a whim... And, if memory serves, I recall Bridgette saying as she looked at them in the store that she would pay "however much they cost" because she loved them so much! Green Suede Shoes: The only way to describe these shoes that the girls couldn't leave China without is something maybe you'd see a farm boy in 1978 wearing to a High School football game on a cold Friday night. There is nothing lady-like about them, except for maybe the comfort (they are lined with delicious-smelling alpaca wool). The girls were so excited about them that as we walked around Shanghai they kept talking about how they couldn't wait to get back to the hotel to try them on again -- Bridgette took them out of the bag about 17 times that day to admire and worship her new purchase! ...later that evening when we got home, they put them on, stood in front of the full-length mirror and immediately realized what they had done -- Krishelle from the knee down looked like a heavy-equipment operator with horribly ugly new shoes and Bridgette just looked wrong. They were sooooo incredibly sad and kept trying to come up with outfits that would go well with their new ugly shoes, but failed miserably. I, on the other hand, sat on my bed in hysterics and literally almost wet myself... then, they turned on me and asked why I didn't stop them from making the purchase to begin with... but, there was no stopping them, they had put them on in the store and were marching around in them, creating quite a spectacle of themselves... it was great. Okay... enough about the shoes. (Jeff & Eli -- be warned -- you may be getting a souvenir of green shoes from China). Back to the bracelet stuck on Krishelle's wrist. As our time in Hong Kong was drawing to an end, we started thinking of the probable reality of our ankles and wrists swelling to enormous sizes during our marathon flight back home (as had happened to me on the flight to China), and the likelihood of the jade bracelet cutting the circulation to Krishelle's hand somewhere over the north Pacific, causing her hand to slowly turn purple, then black, and then fall off. We decided things were getting serious and we had to do something... So, in a moment of brillance we shoved washclothes from the hotel bathroom between the bracelet and her skin, then, I had her lay flat on the floor with her arm extended straight out in front of her along the ground, and I took a desk chair by the legs and whacked the bracelet until it shattered into four pieces.

China stories...

Hello everyone! It's been a few days, we know, but we haven't been around a computer for a few days (and it's been so nice!). We wrapped up our stay in Kunmng by attending Bridgette's school's "Olympics", which was attended by.... well..... us. And, all 2,500 students participated. They marched around the Olympic field and chanted and carried flags and then lined up by class or age group for a bunch of rambling in Chinese that we didn't understand, but we clapped from time to time, and then the games began.
There were some relay races, that were run in their school clothes that are only washed once a week (Bridgette informed us... which explained the smells). We visited Bridgette's classroom and saw how dirty all four walls are from about two feet up from the bottom -- all the kids feet marks (and an occassional foot print about three or four feet high on the wall, which was hard to explain). The boys and girls bathrooms are "trough-style" -- not just for number 1, but also for number 2. You definitely want to avoid ANY public restroom in China. The nicer ones have individual stalls for number 2, but still are just squatters (hole-in-the-ground) so you have to have really good aim. Fortunately, Bridgette's apartment has an actually sitting toilet (though, at the airport, it's spelled "toilts" in some places), but that didn't keep me from dry-heaving when I went in there... the sewer system is really antiquated... so much that she and her roomates have duck-taped the entire bathroom and plumbing together so it kind of works (to keep the smell from getting too overbearing). After leaving the school and the olympics we went to our hotel in Kunming -- the Dianchi Garden Spa International -- and it was very, very posh (for US $53/night for our triple room). There was a wedding going on in the courtyard right outside our balcony and we watched the whole thing -- there were two flower girls wearing miniature wedding dresses with big feathered angel wings -- the cutest flower girls ever! The spa was nice and cheap, but the girl's feet were as tender as well-roasted meat from the scalding buckets of water they had to soak in before their spa ladies would touch them. I, on the other had, opted for a Thai Massage that involved my spa lady swinging from bars on the ceiling and karate-chopping my back and legs with her feet... I never slept better after that experience. It was 90 minutes long and she asked if I wanted to add on another 45 at the end... NO thanks, I said (I think, I said it). I just left. The girls were already home watching Chinese MTV.... bridgette was singing along.
To get to the airport in Kunming we got a cab. The cabs here are pretty much like anywhere else, expect for the cab driver has a security cage around him only -- kind of like the bullet-proof window in most US cabs, but it's only around the driver and has a lot of open slats in it.... so, we're not quite sure of it's purpose. It's really wierd. But, fortunately, all cabs have meters in them, so it's not easy to be ripped off. The cab rides, however, do make you fear for you life the entire time, unless, of course, you are on the verge of vomitting from the swerving and skidding to stops at every intersection, or from just being grossed out from the constant hacking up of loogies from the drivers (even the female drivers, which was the first loogie hacking I experienced in China). It's not a quiet little hacking either, it's a full-on farmer-style hacking with a giant spit to follow at any time or any place during your drive. And, it's not just on drives, it's while you're shopping, eating, ordering dinner, eating... etc., etc., etc.
The flight from Kunming to Shanghai was uneventful, other than all the American tourists who were standing in line for the bathroom at the back end of the plane... they were standing in line the entire time and it wasn't just a few of them, it was about 50 of them and they created a line that started at the back of the plane where the bathroom (and our seats) was and went almost all the way to the first class section. It was embarrassing, so we said we were from Canada (as we usually do when we see Americans doing stupid things). It was a big tour group that we think may have had an unfortunate dining experience at a previous stop.
Our hotel in Shanhai was AWESOME! It looked like Batman's hotel on the outside -- it was really old and had a HUGE round logo on the top of it, that, from a distance, looked like the Batman emblem... but, it just said "BAYER" (as in the aspirin). It was called "Broadway Mansions" and it kind of was like a mansion (though, Krishelle says it reminded her of "The Tower of Terror"). Our room was a suite for US $100/night and had views on three sides and a walk-in closet and two TVs with HBO (Chinese-style... old movies we've never heard of). The hotel was right on The Bund, which is the famous drag in Shanghai that has all the great shopping and views of the main riverway and modern part of the city.... and by "modern", we think it's fair to say that Shanghai looks like what most cities in the world could look like 50 to 100 years in the future. The architecture is incredibly modern -- every high-rise has a multi-media presentation on all sides all hours of the day and night... also, there are riverboats showing gigantic ads on gigantic plasma TVs on all sides, at all hours of the day and night.... this is all mixed into the existing pagodas and Chinese people running around with funny hats and large packages on their backs and also the rickshaws... It's a crazy fusion of past, present, and crazy future. And, in the middle of it all, there was a "jumper" perched on the ledge of the 50th floor of the "Peace Hotel" being talked down by some woman and a bunch of firemen from the top floor's window. We had to stop to watch the event because Bridgette informed us that she "had never seen this before." Implying that she was under the impression EVERYONE else HAS witnessed this before at some point.
We never got to see the guy actually jump, though, we did have time to buy some ice creams (gelato, actually, from an Itialian who just opened shop on the Bund and never remembered us even though we were regular daily customers), watch no less than six American tour groups walk directly underneath the jump area while following their clueless tour guides who were holding those big flags on poles so the tour group doesn't get lost in the crowd of billions of Chinese running around the streets here, and, we also got to see the giant stunt-type air mattress be set up underneath the jump area (in the event the guy actually didn't get talked down.... which we don't know because after an hour of waiting, we felt we should head to the airport to catch our flight to Beijing). We've been watching the news to see the outcome, but haven't seen anything yet... It was all kind of surreal and nutty, and ironic that of all places to witness a suicide in the works it was at the "Peace Hotel."
All in all, Shanghai was fantastic and we have so much more to write about, but the internet lounge we're in is extremely expensive (charged by the minute, if you can believe that), so we're going to cut this short and try to find another cafe where the fee is reasonable and then continue our stories...
We're all healthy and happy and safe. No worries for Nona and parents. We're in Beijing for a few days now and having a blast! The shopping is incredible!!!
Love you all.

China, China, China... this is how we lived!

One of the few foods we ate in China were giant "cup o' noodles", Chinese-style. You never knew for sure what flavor you were getting, because everything was written in Chinese, so we would just look at the picture on the container and make our best guess... This particular meal was "enjoyed" in the Kunming, China airport as we waited for our flight to leave for Shanghai. You can tell by my expression that the flavor was "Super Fire Hot Chinese Fire Noodle" in a bucket. I'm holding a baggy of Chinese-style TP in my left hand because my nose began running immediately after I took the first bite... but, I was so hungry, I ate the entire meal.

China -- Kunming, Shanghai & Us

Waiting for the track meet to begin.